Jazz Has a Sense of Humor

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Laughter, along with an active sense of humor, may help protect you against a heart attack.

–   Cardiologists at the University of Maryland Medical Center in Baltimore


Here are a few doses of medical humor for you this Halloween.

1.  Our patient has had no previous history of suicide.

2.  Patient is unresponsive but not in medical distress.

3.  Patient is unconscious.  No other symptoms were reported.

4.  Our patient has a history of asthma with no report of previous INCUBATION.  (Instead of intubation)

5.  In case of cessation of breathing or heartbeat, patient refuses artificial insemination.

6.  Patient is 6 months on the family way.  Her sexual history reveals that she last had sex one year ago.

7.  Distinct heart sounds, normal rate, regular rhythm, with holy systolic murmur

8.  Patient was found to be febrile.  Husband reports that she was very hot in bed last night.

9.  Advised autopsy.  Patient refused.

10.  Mini mental exam is normal.  She could not remember the date today.

11.  Patient came in with a chief complaint of diarrhea.  She last defecated 2 days ago.

12.  Patient’s genitalia was examined.  Otherwise, no other abnormalities were noted.

13.  Upon arrival at the ward, our patient was x-rated.

14.  Female patient’s chest exam: Equally reactive to light

15.   Upon placing the stethoscope on patient’s chest, increased heart rate was noted.

16.  Prostatic massage done.  No other complaints noted.

17.  Our patient initially complained of scrotal pain.  On the second day, it  was better.  On the third day, it completely disappeared.

18.  Ophthalmic examination revealed dry eyes.  Tearing was noted.

19.   Patient’s sputum was colored with TB.

20.  Patient denies oral drug intake.  He just injects them.

Enjoy your vacation!


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